


starlight, starbright, make everything all right

by blueblueelectricblue



Series: a star spinning in orbit, lighting up the sky [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Diapers, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 06:31:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueblueelectricblue/pseuds/blueblueelectricblue
Summary: Bucky has a box he bought for Steve and doesn't know how to ask if he wants to open it.(Or, the one where Steve decides he'd really like to try out diapers after all.)





	starlight, starbright, make everything all right

Bucky can’t decide when he should show Steve the second box he’d ordered along with the fun stuff, which is going over like gangbusters. Sometimes he even colors for a bit when he’s not feeling little, but Bucky’s been gifted and regifted enough to Steve “meditational” adult coloring books by Sam, who thinks he is incredibly funny, to know that it’s a thing now. And who cares? It does actually seem to have a calming effect on Steve – not just after missions or Avengers-related punching stuff, but also after big events or ceremonies where he’s had to do a lot of talking and socializing. It’s almost funny to Bucky that he’s pretty much the only person who’s ever figured out that Steve is an introvert with great acting talent. So he usually has a few coloring books and colored pencils on the coffee table, just super casually waiting to be picked up and used (Bucky spends a lot of time making sure that it looks super casual).

Mostly, Bucky’s just happy that he picked the right things for Steve when he’s feeling in extra need of comfort. And he’s happy that Steve always loses that lived-in tension in his shoulders and smiles a lot more with his real smile, not the Captain America PR-approved smile, when he uses the stuff that Bucky had bought for him. The blanket’s already gotten a ton of mileage already, and the teddy bear stays in their room regardless of how Steve’s feeling. The only thing he hasn’t used yet is the footie pajamas, but that’s more because it’s June and they live in Washington, D.C. Bucky plans to buy more of that kind of stuff soon, just for more variety. He’s thinking maybe some Lego sets (mostly because they look really fun and he might want to build some stuff too, Bucky is only _partly_ a robot), classic children’s books, board games — hell, maybe even some finger-painting supplies.

The other box is a different story. Steve hasn’t given any indication so far that he would be interested, but maybe that’s because he hasn’t thought of it yet. Or, more likely, he _has_ thought of it and is too embarrassed to ask, which would be more like him. Bucky knows Steve’s looked up ageplay on their shared tablet a few times because he still doesn’t know how to use incognito mode and has clicked on a couple of message board posts that make Bucky think he might be receptive to the idea of pull-ups and diapers. Bucky had gotten a few different kinds, including some cloth options for nostalgia’s sake – and with gratitude for washing machines – and boy, isn’t it _interesting_ how the internet really does cater to just about every interest out there?

(He might have also bought an adult-sized changing pad with Captain America shields all over it because come on, that is _hilarious,_ and a couple of pacifiers to give Steve something to focus on when he can’t really focus on anything, which is less hilarious and slightly worrying each time Bucky watches it happen.)

Bucky had thought about introducing Steve to the idea when he’s feeling little, but what if he isn’t really able to consent? His mind is like a whole different entity at those times and he responds to almost everything differently. And what if he agrees to it then but freaks out when he comes back to his usual adult self and then the whole thing is ruined for them both? Bucky loves this side of Steve, how he becomes softer, far less burdened with hard decisions to make, more receptive to affection – and more affectionate in turn.

He’s not exactly _afraid_ of what Steve would do if he talks to him about it outside of their…for lack of a better word, playtime, Bucky guesses. It’s just that Steve doesn’t really like talking about it that much, just like he doesn’t like to talk about anything involving feelings that much. He might shut down or get offended, which would be almost as bad.

It’s consequently an enormous relief when Steve brings it up himself. Whoever has granted this favor to Bucky, he thanks them heartily and makes a mental note to donate some cash to the nearest house of religion. Hopefully, the mental note sticks. His short-term memory still isn’t that great.

Steve comes back around dinnertime after a marathon Avengers meeting somewhere in northern Virginia, Bucky doesn't know where and doesn't care because it's all garbage, and if he can guess how it went by Steve's demeanor - listless, quiet, unfocused - it must not have gone very well. There's been some ongoing argument about a superhero registry, which is not how Bucky would choose to spend a whole day.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Bucky finally asks after noticing Steve playing with his tortellini more than actually eating it, which is also not like him. The guy is hungry literally _all the time_. It’s like living with a human vacuum that complains if the sriracha runs out too quickly and they don’t have a back-up bottle in the cabinet. Bucky eats more than a regular person because his metabolism is faster than it was before the war, but he doesn’t need as much as Steve does.

Steve shrugs.

“You don’t want to talk about it?”

“M’tired of talking,” Steve says in that tone that signals he’s about to give up on adulthood for the night.

“Okay, you don’t have to talk too much. Just try and eat what you can, and then we can get changed for bed,” Bucky says.

Steve nods and manages a few more forkfuls before he pushes the bowl away from him. Bucky finishes the rest of his own bowl, because vodka sauce is awesome and he wishes he’d discovered it sooner, and busies himself cleaning up. He hates doing dishes, but Steve hates it even more, and neither of them wants to do that shit in the morning.

Steve surprises him after the dishes are done by asking, “Can I have a bath? With bubbles?”

He must be feeling worse than Bucky had thought, because Steve is not a bath person, and he’d showered this morning already. And he definitely isn’t a bubble bath person, at least as far as he can remember. Bucky is, though. It’s one of the great luxuries of this century, soaking in a long hot bath filled with scented bubbles that leave his skin softer, even the scars. He usually does it after having a bad brain day and needs everything to quiet down.

“Of course you can. I have some lavender-chamomile bubble bath, how’s that sound?”

Steve just nods.

Bucky extends his hand, which Steve takes eagerly, the life starting to come back into his eyes now. “Come on, then. The bath isn’t gonna run itself, Stevie.”

“Will you stay with me, Daddy?” Steve asks after the tub is filled almost to the top with water and bubbles, just before he steps in. He’d seemed to want Bucky’s help undressing more than actually needed it, and Bucky had been happy to oblige him.

“I wasn’t planning on leaving,” Bucky tells him with a smile, and Steve looks so thankful that it almost hurts Bucky to see. “Who else have you got for company, the washcloth?”

Steve giggles at that, and then he’s quiet again. Bucky can tell the scent is doing its work, because Steve relaxes more and more, sinking deeper into the water until the bubbles reach his chin, the harried expression on his face disappearing bit by bit. He only asks to get out when the water gets too cool, which Bucky understands – they’ve both had their fill of cold water for a lifetime and then some – and it’s when they’re in the bedroom that Steve asks his big question.

“Daddy, can, um. Can I ask you something?” Steve asks tentatively, dried off now but sitting on their bed still in just a towel (a huge, soft, fluffy one courtesy of the internet, which is really coming in handy) while Bucky finds something light for him to wear so he doesn’t get overheated.

“Sure, lovebug. What’s up?” Bucky stops searching to pay better attention. He’s really shitty at multitasking if it doesn’t involve weapons.

Steve takes a deep breath and doesn’t even try to disguise it as a yawn. His next words come out in a jumbled rush, the way they always do when he’s feeling nervous. “I did some looking on the tablet and I saw some people who are like – like me, and they were talking, and they talked about things they like to do when they’re not feeling like a grown-up.”

Bucky gives Steve what he hopes is an encouraging smile; he can pretty well guess where this is going, but it’s best to let Steve lead the conversation. “And did they talk about something you’d like to do?”

“Uh-huh.” Steve bites down on his lip, the worry lines creeping back into his forehead.

“You can talk to me about anything or ask me any question you want, any time you want, okay?” Just in case he’d failed to make that clear before.

“It’s gross,” Steve blurts out.

“I’m sure it isn’t, Steve. What is it you would like to do?”

Steve doesn’t look at Bucky, and he rushes into the words again. “They talked about um, not wearing underwear and wearing something else and that it makes them feel safe and I _do_ feel safe with you but I think it might help if I tried it but it’s gross and you probably won’t want to do it and I’m sorry, Daddy, I’m too big for that and it’s for babies anyway.”

Bucky abandons the clothes search altogether and sits down next to Steve on the bed, wrapping him up in a big hug. “Oh, Stevie, that’s not true. Lots of people who aren’t babies wear diapers. It’s not wrong to ask for something you want. And I would do anything you asked me if it helped you to feel safe.”

“Really?” Steve breathes incredulously.

“ _Yes_ , really,” Bucky says firmly so it’ll stick more, he hopes. “If that’s what you want, you can have it, anytime you want or need to. And you know what?”

“What, Daddy?”

“I can make that happen for you right now, if you want.”

Steve’s eyes go even wider. “You _can_?”

“Absolutely. Just give me one second, okay?” Bucky gets up to retrieve the box from its hiding space in the pantry, where Steve almost never goes because he’s allergic to cooking, and folds back the flaps when he presents it.

“You got these for me?” Steve’s totally astonished now and it may just be the cutest thing that Bucky has ever seen, and he watches a lot of videos involving baby elephants.

“I sure did. I thought maybe you might be interested sometime. Go ahead and take a look, kiddo,” he says, setting down the box on Steve’s lap.

Steve goes through the contents wordlessly, and he’s blushing a little.  But it doesn’t take long for him to find the changing pad, which makes him laugh the way Bucky had hoped it would, and finds the pacifiers in record time.

Steve holds one up and examines it carefully. “I’m not _that_ little, Daddy,” he pronounces, stifling a yawn, and puts it back into the box.

“I know, but I got them just in case. You don’t have to use them if you don’t want to. Why don’t you go ahead and pick out something to wear to bed tonight?” Bucky suggests.

“Are we going to bed right now?” Steve wants to know.

“Soon enough.”

“Okay.” Steve takes a few more minutes in what becomes increasingly clear is a stalling tactic, even though he’s obviously tired and should really go to bed soon if Bucky doesn’t want to hear about it in the morning.

“Steve, I need you to make a decision pretty soon. If you’re having a hard time, I’ll decide for you,” Bucky tells him, and nothing lights a fire under Steve’s ass like hearing _that_ , adult or little.

Steve scowls at him. “I’m _thinking_ , Daddy.”

“Think a little faster, then, please. You still need to brush your teeth and so do I.”

“ _Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine_.”

“I’m sorry, what? I can’t understand whining. Can you repeat that, please?” Bucky had never planned on being a disciplinarian, because this is supposed to be fun for them both, but Steve is starting to test his patience a tad. Not that Bucky’s going to do anything about it, like the pushover he really is.

Steve throws him a rather magnificent pout but holds out one of the overnight diapers. Bucky’s a little surprised by Steve wanting these for the very first night, but whatever, that’s why he bought them. It’s cute, too, with teddy bears printed on the front. According to the website, it’s incredibly absorbent, which Bucky hopes includes super-soldier bladder capacities.

“Can you lie down for me, with the towel under you?” Bucky asks.

Steve nods and obeys the request, and as Bucky gets a little powder action going before taping up the diaper, it strikes Bucky that he’s never seen Steve actually be this compliant before. It’s a little weird, but also kind of touching that he trusts Bucky enough with this to totally relax and hand over that level of control. Steve’s never been one to do that lightly – or ever, as far as Bucky’s knowledge goes.

“All done, kiddo,” he says, and Steve sits up. “What do you want to wear to bed tonight?”

“Superman shirt?”

“No pants?”

Steve shakes his head. “Too hot.”

Fair enough. “Okay, Stevie.”

Within ten minutes, Steve’s in his requested t-shirt, Bucky’s just in his boxers as usual, they’ve both brushed their teeth for the requisite two minutes apiece (god, Bucky loves having double sinks in the bathroom), and are under the covers with the ceiling fan circling lazily to keep distributing the air conditioning. Steve almost immediately scoots over for a cuddle.

“Feeling better?” Bucky asks, stroking Steve’s hair, which is much finer and softer than it looks.

“Uh-huh.”

“You like the stuff I got you?”

“Yeah, Daddy, like it a _lot_. Thank you.”

Bucky kisses Steve’s cheek, and then again. “You’re welcome, lovebug.”

“Feels safe,” Steve tells him softly.

“Good. That’s my job, making sure you always feel like that.”

Steve’s too quiet for too long before he asks, “Even if I don’t keep dry?”

“Especially then.” Bucky squeezes him tight for a moment. “You don’t have to try and be a big boy for me, sweetheart. You’ll never be in trouble if you have an accident.”

Steve relaxes against him, finally, and closes his eyes. “I’m gonna try really hard, Daddy.”

“I know you will, Stevie.” Bucky plants a flurry of kisses on Steve’s cheek, enough to make hm laugh and squirm away. “Time to go to sleep now. You’ve had a long day and you need the rest.”

It’s a testament to how exhausted Steve really is that he doesn’t protest, just curls around his teddy bear and closes his eyes. Bucky follows not too long afterward, the sound of Steve’s even, deep breathing lulling him into it. He only wakes up in the middle of the night because he accidentally touches cold metal hand to exposed skin while he’s sleeping, which is one of the most irritating things about being a cyborg.

He glances over and grins to see the sky-blue pacifier lodged firmly in Steve’s mouth.

They’re probably going to need more diapers.


End file.
